I am a Christian. Nothing fancy. Just a man who struggles to be a Christian. I am, in many ways, just an every man.
As of recently, I have been struggling greatly. My marriage has been on the verge of failure for quite some time. We would fight often and much. When not fighting, we would exist silently, avoiding conversation, eye contact, and each other.
I've been reading a lot about marriage. It's not easy. Well, reading is easy, it's the implementation of the ideas and suggestions that isn't easy. As such, I've also enlisted the aid of several of my friends, brothers-in-Christ, to pray for my marriage.
Well, I got bored (as I often do) and needed to go the "library". So, I picked up a copy of Too Busy Not To Pray by Bill Hybels. While reading the first chapter I had a radical thought...I need to pray!
The crux of the problem is that I have not felt particularly loved by God these last several months. I haven't felt much of a need for conversing with Him. While I understand the importance of prayer, it feels like work when you feel abandoned by God. It feels much like it does when you get up at 0430 and go to the gym in order to torture yourself with squats. You don't want to do it and would much rather slap the crap out of the alarm clock than to get up. But, I digress.
So, the thought that came to me was that I wasn't praying for my wife. Oh, heck, let's face it kind reader, I wasn't really praying at all. For anything. So, I have decided that regardless of how I feel (or don't feel) I am going to pray. I'm going to start by praying for my wife and kids. It won't be easy (well, praying isn't hard, being disciplined will be). But I don't see any way around it, actually. I truly need to pray for her or I see things continuing down the slippery slope that it has been for months (years, actually).
So, tomorrow I will be starting on this journey. I will keep you posted as to whether or not it has been successful or not.
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