The Heavenly Presence

This was published, in January of 2007, in the book Praise Reports by Xulon Press.

It was the first of November, 1996. I had come home from Germany, where I was stationed, to bury my grandfather. I grew up in a home that didn't really know how to show love. The only times I ever really felt love was when I visited my grandparents' house. My grandfather did things with me that I longed to do with my father. He talked to me, he fished with me, and he even listened to me.

My pain weighed heavily on my heart as I sat in the living room of my grandparents house, my Air Force blues perfect. Small talk was punctuated by soft sobbing. I sat on a couch, completely absorbed in my own grief. The thought that I had lost my only real friend in this world kept repeating itself in my mind. Acting as dignified as I possibly could, I walked out of the house and headed to the barn.

The barn was where I loved to spend my time as a kid. Living in a city didn't really afford one too many opportunities to be around animals. Whenever I would come to visit I was given chores to do like water the pony or collect the eggs from the geese, ducks, and chickens. It wasn't really work to my young mind. It was an opportunity to express my love to my grandparents without having to really say anything. Emotions were not allowed in my world.

So, in a moment punctuated with heavy sobs, I let go of my pent-up emotions as I stood outside the barn. I raised my eyes to heaven, streaming tears down my cheeks and onto my uniform.

"God, why did You take him from me? You know how much I loved him! I would have died for him!"

In my heart I heard the response, "Now you know how much I love you!"

"How will I heal? The pain is too great!"

"Let Me heal you. Surrender all of your heart to Me. I have things I want to give you, but you need to let Me."

I bowed my head, surrendered to Him, and began to heal.

God's presence there that day let me know that He loved me unconditionally, just like my grandfather. By the end of the year, my surrendering to His will brought me to my wife, and, through our marriage, to real healing.

You can buy the book that this is printed in here.