The Performing Arts and Life Contradictions

I love being me! Whenever I talk to my coworkers, friends, family members, et al., I find that people are, generally speaking, one main type with maybe one or two lesser types. Not following me? Maybe an example would be good:

Some people:

Love rock music, like rap, hate country.
Read horror, like mystery, despise romance.

When it comes to music, I am mood oriented. I love rap (I try to focus on positive rap, but sometimes you need a really good run of Eminem, 50, or House of Pain), I love rock (especially classic and heavy metal), I love country (give me a good honky-tonk sound and I am in heaven), I love reggae (haven't been able to experiment too much, so I'm stuck listening to the greatest reggaeman in history...Bob Marley), I love classical music (Tchaikovsky has some of the most light and romantic music ever...Wagner blows my mind, I think he was his generation's Metallica), I love show tunes (despite my heterosexual nature, apparently...who knew that the secret handshake of the homosexual world was Broadway inspired? Oh, wait, that's a cruel stereotype...never mind).

One of my friend's says that he finds it interesting when he gets into my truck. He is constantly guessing what music will be coming through the speakers...and I don't listen to radio much.

We have been spoon-fed a lot of crap by our society. If you are like me (straight, married, born-again Christian) you will have to do certain things, be a certain way. I don't understand it. Why must I be a Republican? Because I'm in the military? Or is it because I'm a conservative person? Or, could it be, because I am a Christian? Who made the Republican party God's party? Forget that, Jack! I'm going to blaze my own trail. Even if it means running counter to every single other person in my church or my office. I'm not trying to be provocative. I can't really understand why we (Christians) have abandoned the Democratic party. Aren't we supposed to be salt and light to this world? How can we be that to a party that is considered too worldly, too liberal, too anti-Christian if we aren't working with the party? From the inside out, that should be our mantra. I guess we'll have to see, huh?!

Why can't I enjoy show tunes? Is it because I'm...gasp...straight? Oh, please, my gay friends listen to a lot of the same "normal" music that I do. Sure, not many will listen to Casting Crowns, but that doesn't matter to me. Why do some "straight" folks look at me with a weird look when I push play on my Zune and Elton John comes out of it (or at least his music...I'd freak if he actually materialized out of no where). Maybe it's because they don't approve of my Zune, eh? Why can't we all just "get along"?

In school I used to be a part of the performing arts section of the school. Nothing flamboyant, mind you. I sang Bass. I was part of an honors choir. A lot of my friends were involved in Drama, or band, or dancing. I was comfortable with them. Why did I turn my back on all of that? I don't know. Honestly, I was too afraid of being lumped in with a bunch of weirdos. Of course, I knew all along that I was weird. I shouldn't have been afraid. But, I was. I've learned. Sort of. I'm still afraid of certain stigma (like being divorced...scares me to death). Knowing that people will judge me if I tell them I'm in the military, or that I'm writing a novel, or that I love acting, or that I might just get up one day and tell a joke or two at an open-mike night. I'm sure it would blow people's minds if they found out that I'm a show tune loving, song singing, waltzing, novel writing, playwriting, joker. Oh, yeah, and I'm a born-again, straight-as-an-arrow, Christian man. Now that's a three letter word that will get you smacked down in certain ultra-liberal circles.

I'm 37 and I'm still trying to tie all the disparate little pieces of my life together. Some days, I feel like I'm going to have a psychotic break (reality sucks anyway). Other days, I can't believe how at peace I am with the little weirdness's that make me, me! Oh, the day that I become a whole person. That should be fun. Watch out world, here comes...Jim!